In the future we'll all be gay
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
