I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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