if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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