Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
