Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
