Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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