A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
a search helicopter?!
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
