The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize