Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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