Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
