I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
