If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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