I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
