Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Randomize
