That's when you crack a 10am beer
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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