there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
He has the fingertips of a God
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
