oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
