my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
