i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
