Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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