We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
