Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
