Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
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You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Someone came in the potted fern
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
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Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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