and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
