then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
