just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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