The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Randomize
