Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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