I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
