butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
