Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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