YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
