11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
id be glad to
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Randomize
