Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize