Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I think I just sharted jello shots
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
