Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
We have started to decorate penises.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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