I'm going to jail i love you
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
