If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
