I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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