"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
