I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
