so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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