sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
