I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
