ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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