you're like a bully in the Christmas story
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
