we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
