So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
