Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
