I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
