If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
