this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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