I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
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I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
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They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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