So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
