woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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