I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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