If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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