You're completely useless in the revolution.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
