I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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