i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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