just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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