also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
