One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Found your dick twin last night
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I supernannyed him into submission
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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