i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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