You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
is that a dick in a sweater?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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