Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
