4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
