the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
