Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
