i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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