We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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