do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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