I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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