hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
