I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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