you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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