Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
