I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
