i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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