turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
